People are in control of their relationships; therapy is there to guide and assist during times of difficulty.
One of the top reasons couples call for couples counseling/marriage counseling is for communication. I tell people, communication is not the issue, you both know how to communicate. The issue is, you don't know how to talk to each other so the other person understands what you are trying to say. After years of the same fight, disappointments, and frustrations, we slowly shut down, close ourselves off. And tell ourselves "something is wrong with the other person, they don't know me" or "I am not important enough to them". As this pattern continues to cycle through our relationship, we find ourselves silent! Silence can end any relationship especially a marital relationship. When we stop talking to our life partners, we stop allowing them into our most inner and vulnerable parts; they slowly go from our comfort and safe place to an invisible wall is built filled with coldness, distance.. In long term relationships there is going to be hurt and pain, hopefully not intentionally caused to us but still it hurts us.
The most important thing is to talk to each other about your views of how your loved one caused you hurt and pain. We know the whole story in our heads but expressing it to another person can be difficult. You have to open yourself up to be vulnerable. You may have anxiety of rejection or misunderstanding. Letting someone into your inner thoughts and insecurities; is a difficult thing. By doing so ensures your delivery and intention is being received by your loved one the way you meant to express yourself. Breaking down your thoughts and feelings with our loved one allows for healing within yourselves and the relationship because you both are able to take a step back and realize how each of you are being viewed.
Start off slowly practicing building better communication. First, discuss how each of you would like to be spoken to. Describing the tone of voice, body language, non verbals each of you need to feel safe enough to talk to one another. Work on that for a few weeks. Providing gentle reminders when old patterns emerge.